Some people whinge more about what they wish they had instead of being grateful for what they already HAVE. You will see your daily miracles, if you focus more on what you have infront of you already. I don't live a perfect life nor do I try to - as I'm bound to make mistakes here and there (after all, I am human) but it's how I see life that makes me extremely happy every day. Even if I had a pretty crappy morning, it necessarily doesn't stop me from having a crappy day. Waking up with a grateful heart does wonders or even taking a break and appreciating every thing around you. So what are YOU grateful for? Embrace that. Live it. Don't waste a moment being angry and envious of what you don't have BUT start by being grateful for what you do have! 

The cheese cake story

Before my mom went overseas with me, she was craving a Cheesecake. I wanted to buy it for her but she'll always reject the offer because she knew that there were more important things that we had to take care of first & people who needed our help more than a "Cheesecake" .... Today, we finally got the chance to have that Cheesecake. We had done what we had set out to do when we were overseas, we have improved someone's living & managed to be above our bills.
There are quite a few LESSONS in this story; 

- PRIORITISE. Sort out your WANTS and your NEEDS. If it's something you want then scratch it off the list & get what needs to be done first.

- SERVICE/CHARITY. There's always a chance to help someone who needs things more than you do. Like my mom says: "You look after the Lord's children & the Lord will look after you." 

- PATIENCE. It may not happen at the time you want it to because you had to handle business but that doesn't mean you'll miss out. The opportunity for you to have what you wanted will eventually come at you when you've done all you've set out to do. 


- CJM 

Pregnant, Not Married & A whole lot of Judgment

This one hits close to home & I know it does for many others. I'll be truthful here because my personal experience can help many others. When I fell pregnant, the amount of looks I had from people were enough to create another universe. Hahaha. But on a serious note, there were quite a few & I know there were hurtful things said by people who weren't family but who have known me. These people go to church. These people smile at me but yet these are the same people that gave their ignorant opinions of me behind my back because a) I wasn't married. b) I was pregnant. c) I was young (23 years old - which to me I was an adult who can pretty much make my own decisions) 


What did I do? 
I walked with my head held high, showing off my pregnant belly & smiled back.

Why? 
Because my choices are my choices alone. What I have done is between God & me only. And what they see as a "sin" is infact a BLESSING besides, my mother already warned me about these type of people, so basically I was already 10+ steps ahead. I was expecting the smirks, the gossip, the back stabbing & whatever else comes with it. I was even blamed for someone else being pregnant (because somehow I influenced others to have sex) A big huge LOL!

The support I had from family especially my mother was what made my pregnancy a beautiful one because even when I had people knocking me down, I always stood still. 

So, if you find yourself in the same situation - remember; 

• God still loves you. 
• Who cares about what other people say
• Embrace the miracle you are bearing 
• Everybody SINS 
• What you do is between YOU & GOD 
• Stay strong for you & your unborn child

I am forever grateful to have such loving and supportive parents especially my mother, who never forsaken me, instead she shared this joy with me because some girls aren't fortunate to have that. But parents should be understanding when it comes to this situation. This is the time 'daughters' need their parents (especially their mothers) Never abandon them at the time they need you the most because they did something you call "shameful"  after all, we all make our own choices, we all have done things we are not proud of BUT at the end of the day, they are still God's children, they are still the child you birthed & they're carrying a precious soul. At the end of the day, your duty as a parent still stands, to protect them & keep them safe. All you can do is LOVE them, support them & let them know that you're always there. 

- CJM.

Never stop HONEYMOONING

I came across this quote & absolutely fell in love with it. Through the relationships I have been in, they've either not worked out because a) he got too comfortable b) the spark is gone c) he stopped doing what he used to do to "woo" me. Both sides have to take blame for some of the faults there after all it takes 2 to tango but I found that we were losing ourselves in the process of also trying to juggle work & finances. So I took that as a lesson on what to prevent from happening in my next relationship.

So with my husband, before we got married & we were just dating, I made it a routine of mine to always compliment him, remind him how handsome he is & just casually flirt with him. I tell him the qualities I admire about him & laugh at his jokes (just like you would on a first date - but he's actually really funny) I make him feel confident & sexy. In return, he ALWAYS calls me beautiful (with or without make up) He compliments me on how I look, what I do or even my role as a mother (that's always a "+" because mother's are overworked superheroes - we deserve to be acknowledged) He laughs at my silly ways & does remind me how much I mean to him as a parter/wife. I find that with this set in STONE (I say this term because it has to be firmly grounded in the relationship) It does help when times get rough, it does help with self esteem for myself & my husband. It helps us see the reasons why we fell in love with each other. Now that we're married & this routine still continues, even at times it gets difficult, we still bounce back quicker because we constantly remind ourselves the good qualities that are in our spouse. Yes we are STILL HONEYMOONING over each other.
Mind you, no one's relationship is perfect BUT it's how you bounce back, it's how you get over the hiccup and move on. Though we are only NEWLYWEDS and do have more obstacles to overcome, I feel like because we have established this routine in our lives prior to marriage, it's something that I can see working for us for years. Yes I know, some males do have their little slip ups (I guess we all do) But if you are feeling like you're not getting much attention from your spouse, BE VOCAL. Not in a sense where you're swearing and ripping each other's heads off but tell him/her how you're feeling & make it known. Come at a tone where it's inviting the other person to listen. If you're the receiver, take note on what your partner/spouse is unhappy with & acknowledge. Everyone wants to feel loved & be heard. 
-CJM

Motherhood Journey for a 1st time mom

 Before my son turned 1, we introduced the importance of 'manners' He is 2 now and every time I say: "Thank you" He replies with: "You're welcome Mom!" Every time he receives something, he replies with: "Thank You" or when he's after something, he asks with "Please Mom, Please Mom?" (Mind you at times, I have to remind him - because it needs to be consistent) But overall he is doing a great job. When I take a step back & watch how he uses his manners with other family members or even a shop keeper, I quietly say a little thank you to myself for keeping up with that habit & another thank you to my mother who raised me the same way. To others I may come off strict when it comes to my son but when I see the person he's becoming, he's exactly the type of kid anyone could fall in love with. In this journey through motherhood, I've learned that it's best to be firm when raising a child. Their mind is at a sponge where they absorb everything & anything. Boundaries should be put in place & discipline should be in order. Ofcourse, each parent has their own parenting style but here is what I found helped with me. 

• Consistency - If you're trying to develop a habit eg manners - it's good to be consistent. If they demand things, don't give it until they say PLEASE. If they throw a tantrum, still don't give in to make them hush quickly, you have to stand your ground. When they recieve something, ask them: "What do you say?" and you keep saying that until they respond with "Thank you." 

• Lead by example - If you're trying to teach something to a child, remember YOU are their first teacher. They aren't going to remember what you said because they go by what they see. So if you want to teach them manners or what "NOT" to say, make sure that you also speak to him in the same manner & refrain from using language that you wouldn't want him/her to speak. 

• Be firm - There's a big difference between using a firm voice & raising your voice. You don't want to raise your voice & scare your child but you do have to come off with a strong tone, so they know that their behavior is unacceptable. In my opinion, yelling doesn't help at all (instead you will lose your voice) but that's my personal opinion. 

• Discipline  - I got smacked as a child & I'm glad I did. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between smacking & physical abuse. You smack a child, you smack them so they feel it a little because they need to know they have crossed their boundaries. I find that "Time out & Yelling" doesn't help for some kids but each to their own. Physical Abuse, is constantly hitting a child with excessive force for a small or no reason at all which causes critical injuries/bruises to the child. 

• Compliments/Encouragments - A child feels determined to fulfil the task when you encourage them (like any of us would feel) So when Ayrai (my son) is doing new things, we would encourage him by saying: "You can do it son!" "You're almost there!" etc. And when he has completed or has accomplished something, we compliment him by saying: "Well done!" "Good job!" "Great work son!" Everyone including children want to feel important, needed & loved. 

• NO means NO! - This is something I've planted in Ayrai's mind that if  we say NO, that means NO. This sets the boundary between a parent and child. No arguments or tantrums. It strictly means no. I find that if you are consistent with this RULE, they will adjust and won't have a fit when you say no. They will understand & respect that.

• Respect is 2 ways NOT 1 - Some parents believe that because they are "Adults" and are "Parents" a child is to always respect them but they aren't to respect a child. Personally, this shows a child that respect is a 1 way street when infact it's 2 ways. Because you can't have someone respecting you & you don't respect them. If you want a child to listen to you, you also must listen to your child & their needs. Acknowledge what they've said because a child deserves to be heard too. 

• Leave them to explore  - It's a maternal extinct that we always want to be there to protect our babies in the most critical stages of growing up & want to do things for them. But there isn't any harm in letting kids do things for themselves. As soon as I saw my son sitting up at 5 months, I basically left him on the floor on his own to play & I would watch him as he tends to use his skills to figure things out. As he grew, I still let him discover things on his own. There are times I would play with him & interact & then there are times, I'll sit back & watch him use his mindset & skills to get things done. It's the only way I knew how to find out how his mind works. This is an excellent way to discover who your child is & a great way for him to learn how to do things for himself & new skills. 

These are just a few of things. Afterall this is only my opinion. Everyone has their own techniques, their own parenting skills. In no way or form am I telling people how to 'parent' but this is for anyone who is curious on how some people raise children or some great advice for 1st time parents. As I still have a lot to discover, these are things I wish to share. 

-CJM

Know your circle

After high school, I found that - that's where you really find out who your friends are. I have drifted from so many I used to call "close" friends or even "best friends" In a way, I am glad I did. It exposed the kind of people I was associating with & some of which weren't really great company. And while I lost some of the friends I have made in 5 years of schooling, I gained more positive people who has influenced my life in many ways to become the person I am today. I find that, if I had stuck to the crowd I was in, I would be among people who don't wish to see their friends succeed. So evaluate  everyone you call a "friend" & if you find yourself in the same position as I did - don't be afraid to break away & be on your own to discover what kind of people you need to associate with.  Remember friends push each other up, they don't bring each other down.


- CJM 

Where do you see yourself?

When I was a teenager, I remember what I said to myself. I was going to graduate highschool, get a job, travel at least to a different country then be married & settle down by 25 (because 25 seemed like a halfway mark) That was my future goal that I had set just before I graduated in 2007. Did I accomplish those goals? Well.... kinda. Hahaha. I graduated highschool, I went straight into work & managed to get promoted to management. I did travel to America to visit family & have a little vacation. I gave birth to a bright little boy at 24 years old & I had just recently gotten married at 26. I just missed the age 25 mark but all that was said, was done. I am quite pleased with how far I have gotten with goals I had set then. Now I'm on to bigger goals that I wish to accomplish with my little family as well as individual goals I have set for myself.

Setting goals does help in many ways. It's a great way to see how far you can go in life with what you wish to accomplish. It's also great for self improvement.  I'm not saying I'm the best at setting goals because believe me, I have times I slack off but this is merely to state, that if you wish to accomplish things, start by setting out your short term & long term goals. It could be anything you want, whether it be health, spiritual, peronal or even work related goals. You will find that having goals makes things easier for you & once you have reached your goal, there's no greater feeling, than feeling accomplished. 

- CJM